Rev. Vanessa Titang

Tag: reflection

  • Rinse and Repeat

    Rinse and Repeat

    [A meditation for these difficult times]

    Get it I out,
    Cry it out,
    Yell to and at the heavens above
    (The divine knows exactly why and can assuredly take it).
    Things are neither right
    Nor fair,
    Let the tears wash over you,
    Inhale,
    Exhale–In and out,
    And get up,
    Rise to the challenge of fighting the good fight another day,
    And then another,
    But be sure to cry,
    Release,
    Let the tears condition your strengthening heart,
    Remain open to and receptive of love
    For this is how and why we do this;
    Breathe,
    Rinse and repeat.

  • Fair

    Fair

    *A poem/reflection written in prayer on the challenge someone I know currently faces battling cancer.

    There is nothing fair
    About any of this,
    Of children
    That of which we are
    Left to fend for themselves,
    There is nothing fair about there being
    An unknown
    That is always shrouded in mystery;
    Without answers
    I can try to comfort you
    And try I will,
    I ask that you only take from it what you need,
    Here is what I believe:
    There is nothing “fair”
    About the suffering you endure
    And it is not an act of spite,
    By the Divine;
    The Divine
    —A spirit so grand and yet still seeing your lifetime in its uniqueness
    For the first time;
    Spirit, an entity timeless
    And endless
    Thus, always in flux;
    Knows even metamorphoses involve mutation,
    At levels, we can not perceive;
    The cosmos are so great and complex, and yet their workings are also part of and shaped by the microscopic;
    Spirit may stir the workings,
    Yet pain is but
    A byproduct,
    unintended,
    This we may never rightly understand;
    Breathe, dear one,
    It is not fair,
    Nor is it your fault,
    In this moment, I can do nothing to absolve your hurting,
    But I can be present
    With you,
    for you,
    Holding you in this temporal comfort of embrace,
    I can also say nothing,
    For words are meaningless,
    Being explained to one in a crucible;
    As much as I can
    I hold your pain
    In my heart
    In exchange with my love,
    Love that is also an unending
    Blessed gift of the Divine,
    always,
    And for all;

    And still damnit No,
    This
    is not fair.

  • White Water: Life

    White Water: Life

    The current is hard, love,
    The tide is high,
    The waves are choppy,
    But don’t lose yourself in the white water,
    And if you should
    Remember to go back,
    Go back;
    And rescue you,
    You too deserve
    To be believed,
    Loved,
    Appreciated,
    and Saved,
    This river of life is rough.

  • SPIRIT is LOVE: Visiting My Process Theology

    SPIRIT is LOVE: Visiting My Process Theology

    February 6th, 2023

    My theology is of

    Panentheism
    ” (“all in God”, from the Greek πᾶν, pân, ‘all’, ἐν, en, ‘in’ and Θεός, Theós, ‘God’)[1] is the belief that the divine intersects every part of the universe and also extends beyond space and time. ” (https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Panentheism)

    *SPIRIT/God[ess]/Olorun/Allah/YHWH… (different names/ “languages”, but all the same ultimate source in reference, perceived from different angles of the same divine prism).
    –Here I will refer to as “SPIRIT”

    SPIRIT…
    *… is love
    *…is a force/energy and entity
    *…is creativity/creation
    *…is change
    *…is in all, and all the universe is inside, and yet there is still more SPIRIT outside of this, in infinite capacity
    *… loves ALL creation
    *…is omnibenevolent
    *… is omnipresent (in all and around all), but NOT omnipotent in the way most assume:
    As a good parent, SPIRIT cares for but also gives free will and room for their children to be independent and find the residual and unending presence of SPIRIT within themselves. This is imperfect in action on the part of the child, but that is perfect and was meant to be. All that comes to pass is a learning moment, not for when SPIRIT is gone, but for when WE lose our way to SPIRIT. That separation is where what we know as “evil” may take seed, and unlearned from and unrecognized can take over. That too is a lesson, once we can WAKE to it and seek again the TRUTH of an unconditional, selfless, universal LOVE.)

    *SPIRIT LOVES.

    *THE MEANING, PURPOSE, AND FUEL OF EXISTENCE IS LOVE.

    1 John 4:16
    “So we have known and believe the love that God has for us.

    God is love, and those who abide in love abide in God, and God abides in them.”

  • But what does covenant mean; What does it mean to me?

    But what does covenant mean; What does it mean to me?

    Dear Ones,

    The last 5 months I have learned so much from my experience amongst the 3 church collaborative of Maine, as your ministerial intern. Currently, I am learning how to integrate pastoral care skills alongside worship to see the care of the individual and the congregation as a whole.

     In my time here and now in my final semester of divinity school I have come to appreciate the place and purpose of covenant in our faith spaces. When I first joined a Unitarian Universalist church in 2018 I found the emphasis on covenant new and a bit of a mystery.  I came to recognize the repetition of these covenants as part of a spiritual practice of joining and engaging in community.  It is in my final semester that I am really exploring and coming to understand what covenant means for and to us each.

    Oxford English dictionary defines covenant as follows,  

    1. an agreement.

    “there was a covenant between them that her name was never to be mentioned”

    • LAW

    a clause in a contract.

    • THEOLOGY

    an agreement which brings about a relationship of commitment between God and his people. The Jewish faith is based on the biblical covenants made with Abraham, Moses, and David.

     

    But the definition provided here  did not inform what I know is at the heart of covenant in UU churches.  Synonyms of “promise”, “pledge”, “vow” included later with this definition expressed the emotional, spiritual component in this kind of agreement.

    From my experience, yes, covenant is an agreement between people, but in their rarest form–with feelings exposed; markers of testament to the purpose and need for such powerful and yet delicate negotiation between human beings.  Covenant is us being authentically human and through agreements upholding expectations and granting grace.  This is a divine human spiritual contract. From this I now  appreciate why covenant remains such an integral piece of this faith, in upholding each of its 7 UU principles.

     

    My hope is that this exploration of covenant has filled you with curiosity and reaffirmed the value of covenant in our shared faith, as it has for me.

    With greatest blessings,

    Vanessa

     

  • This is Your Life

    This is Your Life

    Welcome to this moment
    Welcome to this now
    Welcome to your only
    In hours, minutes,  seconds
    Welcome to the never to be again,
    As time passes
    By
    This is your now,
    This is your life.

    ***

    Reflection:
    In formation I am learning to be vigilant to what I feel,  think,  and experience in a way I never have before. I regularly take consult in a therapist (something I think everyone should do). In a recent session I confided that I’m done letting fear and what could possibly happen dominate my life  and the associated decision making in the process. If I had let fear take the wheel entirely I would not be in seminary right now; for fear over student loans. This is my one known life. It would be a sin not to live it to the fullest.

  • How Far I’ve Come

    How Far I’ve Come

    Intern ministry is going well, and I’m relieved by the completion of the winter holiday season of December. I got a real taste of what excitement and stressor this season creates.

    I’m getting a clearer picture of what I want to do with my career after I graduate and later ordained. More details coming upon further fleshing them out.

    I have an appointment to see the MFC in September. I graduate in May. All these real dates of completion in the soon to be future are unbelievable– have I really come that far!?

    I’m so lucky to have the supportive community of 3 congregations both growing and cheering me on. My biggest hurtle left ni believe n is the stack of books left to tackle before seeing the MFC. That’s what summer will be devoted to after graduation and internship completion (which will run into June).

    I am seeing the minister in myself now. How far I’ve come, and how much I’ve grown in ministerial formation!

  • Mirror Ritual

    Mirror Ritual

    Fragile, human soul,
    Prepare the glass altar
    For your love,
    With love,
    Impeccably,
    Arrange the ornate items
    For this ritual,
    Delicately,
    Here,
    In this sacred space you occupy
    In flesh,
    Conjure your essence forth,
    To be present here to see,
    To gaze upon,
    To experience,
    To honor,
    Beauty and divinity in its true form,
    Staring back at you in the mirror.

  • A Chill

    A Chill

    I am beginning a book group tomorrow at the church I am serving as an intern; Via zoom of course. I have never led a book group before, nor been a part of a book group. I am not quite sure what is expected of the group leader.
    The book we are reading is Wintering, by Katherine May. It is about difficult life experiences and going through this time of winter. Jessica, the person I am leading the group with, and I felt it was ideal considering what we are all going through with the pandemic. We are at the vaccination stage (for some), but we’re all still holed in, isolating, waiting for the all clear. It is a mass time of wintering. And we have been doing this for about a year now. What can I say to lead a group, at this time that has not been said before?

    And then the collision happened. Today. My partner was in an automobile accident on the way to work. A severe accident. I am now sitting with a cup of coffee at Eastern Maine Medical Center waiting for the completion of his surgery.
    This is our winter. We have been going through it for some time. Through sudden death, cancer, surgery, and now trauma. And I realize something about what I’ve been doing wrong in my ministry—despite ministry, life still happens, to me. I am not immune from the vertigo of life. I’m in it, like everyone else. So while I can offer prophetic reflections as I go, I ought not expect to deflect difficulty.
    Perhaps I am understanding the point of the Wintering book better now– embrace the winter, live through the winter, wear your warmest threads, just expect to get quite a chill.