Rev. Vanessa Titang

Tag: pastoral

  • Pews

    Pews

    Hard wood,
    A stern reminder of penance,
    But a view of trees,
    Blowing,
    Serenaded by breeze
    Framed above my head,
    As patients pass,
    Bowed head,
    Convent for confusion,
    A sacred space to heal
    The mind, spirit, and
    Soul to first,
    Or once again find,
    Here on this pew,
    I see their dance
    And chants,
    A longing for belonging,
    A need to find self and security,
    And I am here,
    Upon my pew,
    Watching, waiting
    A patient,
    Listening, loving ear
    To not just observe,
    but to genuinely hear.

  • “Who Ministers to the Minister?”

    In the busyness of life in the past few months I have let this blog take a backseat to ministry, and life in general. On May 23rd I led my last service for the 2020-21 academic year, at the
    congregation in Castine. I will return in the fall, to intern at the 3 church collaborative.

    This last service was put together in a mad dash of things happening, and yet I feel it is one of my favorites. It was created for the May theme of “story”. The sermon was entitled “Tell Your Story”, and implored listeners to take an active role in storytelling, for fear the loss of histories over time. I was very satisfied with the service, was complemented and could see the evidence of my growth.

    I am embarking now in taking CPE (clinical Pastoral education) for c the summer. My original program was canceled due to low enrollment, so I’m not doing an online based program that I was fortunate to have one of my fellow seminarians recommend. Alas, I still need to figure out where I’m going to get my pastoral hours. I’m working with the Castine church, but am also looking in to local hospices and nursing homes.

    In regard to Castine, I was recently confronted with a huge moment in the lives of our congregants. One of the young church leaders suddenly took I’ll and was put on life support. Her slow passing is a huge pill to swallow. I was tasked with seeing to the family the evening she took ill, as the minister was out of state. There was little I could do, and due to Covid restrictions I was unable to be the re for them. I cried in the car after I dressed in my clergy attire waiting on what to do. My supervising minister had advised me when we spoke, “steely yourself”. I’m good at shutting off my emotions when confronted by extreme tragedy, but it is still necessary to release. I did that in the car, then did as she had advised.

    I begin CPE class this evening. While I’m not anxious to start another class, I’m in need of processes everything occurring. I’m grateful for the surrounding of my cohort that I have reviewed to help me figure out what my role is and to be held as well.

  • Surfacing

    Surfacing

    I am coming up for air.

    This has been a year unlike I have ever known. With the pandemic, one tumultuous event after another,  and then I’m going to school for ministry.  In truth ministry is where I surface, and gasp– gulping in a deep breath. My figurative lungs expand and I realize I am tired.  I am a mere mortal and it is in these brief moments that I breathe,  that I let my body relax into the protective feeling that is exhaustion. 

    I am by nature an overachiever, but this is no longer a quest for an A+ grade.  I’m coming to terms with that.  This is about being; being a minister and being at my core human. In being a burgeoning minister I am working on cultivating a non-anxious presence. 

    A non-anxious presence–It sounds beautiful,  almost poetic to have such resolve.  But it is not easy. I am trying though.  I must confess I cry (though seldom),  but when alone,  and have the room I have let go. I let the weight sink in,  and release it in liquid form–I cry,  and then I am washed anew.  My spirit is renewed,  and I recall why I am in this position.

    The heady content of my coursework–history of global Christianity,  community organizing, naturism,  and vocational studies is a puzzle scrambling to be pieced together in my mind. These are the tools for building my ministerial knowledge,  but this rough and tumble of life is where I’m building my grit.  Right now is one of my down moments,  but I’m in the process of picking myself up.

    I stand, take a breath,  and look back from whence I came.  I am amazed by the hazardous terrain I have already passed. This is passing through to become.