This homily has been one that I have returned to multiple times for different spaces. It is also what I presented as my homily for the Ministerial Fellowship Committee in March 2023.
As the world remains complicated and in many ways a messy place, I believe this message remains relevant.
The current is hard, love,
The tide is high,
The waves are choppy,
But don’t lose yourself in the white water,
And if you should
Remember to go back,
Go back;
And rescue you,
You too deserve
To be believed,
Loved,
Appreciated,
and Saved,
This river of life is rough.
Spirit,
A stream, a river, a flowing body,
That is what you are,
And we each are droplets,
In the course,
Are bubbling, babbling, over the path forward,
No awareness of our destination,
Or how we’ll make it
Through,
But we are here,
And flowing,
In and of,
Made of,
Because of
You
This our path,
Destination unknown,
Are safe and secure by unseen borders,
Flowing,
Splashing,
Going,
Always moving forward,
On,
Marked by shifts,
Waves, torrents,
Boulders, rocks,
And
On we flow
I am coming up for air.
This has been a year unlike I have ever known. With the pandemic, one tumultuous event after another, and then I’m going to school for ministry. In truth ministry is where I surface, and gasp– gulping in a deep breath. My figurative lungs expand and I realize I am tired. I am a mere mortal and it is in these brief moments that I breathe, that I let my body relax into the protective feeling that is exhaustion.
I am by nature an overachiever, but this is no longer a quest for an A+ grade. I’m coming to terms with that. This is about being; being a minister and being at my core human. In being a burgeoning minister I am working on cultivating a non-anxious presence.
A non-anxious presence–It sounds beautiful, almost poetic to have such resolve. But it is not easy. I am trying though. I must confess I cry (though seldom), but when alone, and have the room I have let go. I let the weight sink in, and release it in liquid form–I cry, and then I am washed anew. My spirit is renewed, and I recall why I am in this position.
The heady content of my coursework–history of global Christianity, community organizing, naturism, and vocational studies is a puzzle scrambling to be pieced together in my mind. These are the tools for building my ministerial knowledge, but this rough and tumble of life is where I’m building my grit. Right now is one of my down moments, but I’m in the process of picking myself up.
I stand, take a breath, and look back from whence I came. I am amazed by the hazardous terrain I have already passed. This is passing through to become.
Rev. Vanessa Titang 