Rev. Vanessa Titang

  • Pack Animals

    It is mid-November, and we have been stuck in the “Twilight Zone” that is life amidst the coronavirus for approximately 9 months now. Nine months has brought us to the start of the winter holiday season, and the Thanksgiving seasons here in the United States. In summary these are the months that we are supposed to huddle close together with family and friends to make it through the cold of winter months. And yet, we are unable to do this. For fear of the virus, for ourselves, for others, we keep distanced at a minimum of 6 feet.  

    We quarantine in homes; we keep outside travel to a minimum. We cancel our winter plans to travel across state lines to be nearer to distance family and friends. Here in the hour that we most need each other we are amid an uptick in the virus. Why, is irrelevant, but the fact that it is here and very real is known to all who have had to suspend life, to be well protected. 

    And when we can visit on another, it is short lived, and feels like it is not enough. The short visits, that are masked and distant, that are made with overprotective arrangements are a sharp reminder of what we are missing in our daily lives with this virus at hand. Holding on to hope was something that we started this with, now it seems silly to talk of hope, when that is all we are trying to do, hope that things will clear up, some time, someday, some way.  

    As winter months set in, homes are lonely, holiday presents are passed through the mail only, and not hand to hand. We are feeling now through the loss, the immense need of our human nature for community. So, we will make community, where we can, via video messenger, but it still is missing what we need—a handshake, a fist bump, a hug.  

    I wonder if this is what our ancestors felt when loved ones had to go on long epic trips overseas, into unknown lands, to find a way forward for their people. No, it is not the same, but I can see how the feeling of loneliness, fear, frustration, may be shared with these experiences. In a technological age, that has political strife and division, we are being reminded to come closer in other ways, through our human nature, as pack animals.  

  • Grounding Amid Election Tension

    I have always been passionate about politics. Growing up, my father was an avid follower of the 24-hour news cycle. What was an annoyance in childhood, of hearing the news announcers, became an accepted and welcomed part of my life by the time I was in adolescence. The first time I was aware of the importance of the presidential election was in 2000, during the Bush v. Gore election.  

    It was quite an election to welcome one into the world of politics, as there was nothing normal about this election. As day after day followed the close of polls, and the counting of pregnant and hanging chads continued, I was both confused and intrigued by this process. So much was at stake! The fate of the free world rested on an imperfect electoral process. This was much to take in at the formidable age of 12–weren’t adults supposed to have all the answers? Had no one already foreseen these issues and outfitted a solution in advance? 

    20 years later I have already voted in the 2020 presidential election, and with the complexities and conflicts of the current two-party system feel more reassured that my ballot will be counted. The election date has not yet arrived, but the pressure is on, from both sides. Local channels air political ads, back-to-back, between shows and on commercial breaks, likewise on the radio. It is hard to avoid the politics, that along with the coronavirus has taken over the nation. I am aware that not all electoral cycles are as tenuous, but presently fear and uncertainty for the future are in the balance for individuals nationwide with elections. And thus, I am thinking not just about my own hopes for election outcomes, but for the safety and wellbeing of others as they endure these stressors. 

    With the tension of this election, I pray you have space for peace of mind. Moments of deep breathing and relaxing, with eyes closed, time to remember the self and that which is being worked for, not just the repetition of political ads and their fear mongering tactics. Breathe. Find means of enjoying the day and may it ground you. May you find yourself amidst chaos that is around you. Feel your body as it is positioned here on earth, in this space and time. Remember who and where you are. 

    I hope you might partake in efforts to find grounding on your own, and thus I have included a link to a short video detailing and exercising some grounding techniques. 

    As the election comes and goes, with whatever results we are left with may you find piece and use these small measures to stay grounded and focused in your own life.  

    Blessings! 

    Vanessa 

  • A Samhain Reflection

    Autumn. Fall scene. Beautiful Autumnal park. Beauty nature scene. Autumn landscape, Trees and Leaves, foggy forest in Sunlight Rays

    The days have become shorter, with darkness descending sooner and a chill now in the air. Summer days have come to a close, leaves now glow orange, red, and yellow like a seasonal flame. This shift in days, shift in temperature marks a shift in the cycle of the year. All these changes note a time when the veil between this world and the hereafter is the thinnest, this 31st of October. Samhain, as it is called marks the Pagan celebration of the time when harvest has been collected and those departed are with us closer  than ever, again.

    Samhain, celebrated generically in the US as Halloween, has always been my favorite holiday of the year. Even as a child it was not about the candy, or the games, but rather about a certain distinct feel in the air. This year Samhain comes with much more solemnity than in previous years, for me. This summer my grandma, Verna Hoffman, passed away unexpectedly. While this is not the first person whom I have lost, it is the closest relation to whom I have had to say goodbye. My grandmother is now among the company of other departed relations, who I love and miss, like my great Aunt Barb. Both women were strong, beloved individuals, with colorful and formidable personalities. Their corporeal presence may be missing, but now, especially as felt on this day, their spirits dwell close, and their memories are renewed.

    My great Aunt Barb was a loving woman, full of life and commitment to family. An amazing cook, I recall the fragrant smell of her home, and the open motherly presence that she bestowed. Most of my memories of her were as a small child, but they lasted. I came to know later that her love was also an acceptance of me and my biracial family, when few in our small town did. I dreamt about her once when I was in college. The dream  was out of the ordinary for me, but was one of comfort that brought forth warm memories of my childhood in her company. Days later, a call from my mother informed me that Aunt Barb had died, at home in her bed. She was the first close relation that I had known to pass away, and thus introduced me to death. Her spirit remained a figure in my life. She is with me.

    My grandma, Verna, was really a second mother to me. She left this world tragically as this Summer eclipsed. My memory of her is strong, both from the newness of her passing, and the powerful impression she made on my life. In early childhood my family resided in her home, and I came to know her care and comfort. She was a petite woman, a nurse by trade, and she brought this ethic of care and nurturing to every aspect of her life. In her memory I think of yellow citrine, warm sweaters, and the comforting aroma of dove cooling cream, and fill bodied hugs. Her imprint on me is present in most every moment of my life, from her influence on my spiritually, to how I clothe my person. She is with me.

    As Samhain draws near I am comforted in the thought that we are closer to those  in their celestial presence. When I am reminded of their memory I will know it is not just from fleeting thought, but from their presence by me.  

     This Samahain, may you feel the presence of those loved, but gone, brought nearer;  spirits of those missed come close, and may you be nurtured and comforted by their memory and presence this day. They are with you.

    Blessings on this sacred day of Samhain.

  • Activism, A Spiritual Practice

    Participating in the BLM vigil in Ellsworth, ME, 10/18/2020

  • Miraculous – A Theology

    Miraculous – A Theology

     ~ SHE OF LETTERS 

    This existence is one,
    All is connected,
    You, me, creatures, objects, great and small
    The beginning and end,
    Entwined with us all
    Out of the nothing, the something formed,
    With innate innocence,
    A peaceful being of neutrality,
    Uninfluenced by established humanity,
    This is the beginning of each little galaxy,
    Inside another,
    The endless universe,
    That composes all,
    The value free existence
    Neither good nor evil,
    Just, just;
    This is all,
    But then enters complexity,
    Of competing beings,
    Vying for sustained existence,
    In a space of resource finitude,
    This is millions upon millions of life forms,
    Organic material,
    Forces of nature,
    Air, water, fire, earth,
    Coalescing upon and as a miraculous heavenly body,
    In an endless sea of space,
    Thus this is home,
    We,
    We are,
    And we are
    home.

    (Originally posted at https://sheofletters.wordpress.com/2019/12/03/miraculous-a-theology/ )

    I wrote this poem in my first year as an Masters of Divinity student, prior to the month of intensive courses in Chicago. I grew throughout the first semester, and the winter break gave me the opportunity to really reflect on this, largely through one of my favorite past times — writing poetry. i posted this on my persona blog, and reflect back on this often. I realize in the poetry I wrote more about my beliefs in the cosmos, and ultimate existence than I had initially thought I did.