Rev. Vanessa Titang

  • Porous

    April 27, 2022

    Ministerial formation is a unique and significant process of understanding self, and through this growing wiser and closer to others. As a racial minority in this faith,  this region,  this country how this manifests for me is in many ways different that the experience of many of my peers. In formation both unnecessary and the needed protective layers of self are removed in the process, to grow anew. This poem is a reflection of the experience of vulnerability and growth in the formation process, particularly for members of minority and/or marginalized groups.

    Vulnerable;

    Stripped down to the root,

    The wick of my personhood,

    Bark removed,

    The damp core of wood exposed,

    Formation is just this

    –Formation;

    Here from a ready made structure

    It requires this stripping,

    For the careful identification of scars

    And gnarled roots;

    Grow anew

    New bark, new buds,

    And blooms will form,

    This regrowth is slow,

    Unperceivable without a microscope,

    Without awareness,

    But it occurs nonetheless,

    New growth forms skin,

    A new skin,

    A different skin,

    Not only providing protection,

    But also allowing breath;

    Porous,

    Not just a barrier,

    But filtering in

    The good.

  • Bruxism (A Prayer for Hard Times)

    There is tension in my body;

    teeth are set on edge,

    This is how my body holds stress,

    carrying this heavy weight,

    That I’m not even aware of

    Until I feel it manifest:

    This pressure;

    Unrecognized burdens

    Are weighing

    And wearing

    Down bone and sinew,

    And I have nothing

    but

    to pray,

    Soul laid bare,

    My spirit needing release

    A vent for so much pressure,

    I am at times forgetful of this force in and around

    That thus allows me space for relief,

    Spirit!

    Here I lay down this weight,

    This anxious mind,

    Into your enveloping grace.

  • But what does covenant mean; What does it mean to me?

    Dear Ones,

    The last 5 months I have learned so much from my experience amongst the 3 church collaborative of Maine, as your ministerial intern. Currently, I am learning how to integrate pastoral care skills alongside worship to see the care of the individual and the congregation as a whole.

     In my time here and now in my final semester of divinity school I have come to appreciate the place and purpose of covenant in our faith spaces. When I first joined a Unitarian Universalist church in 2018 I found the emphasis on covenant new and a bit of a mystery.  I came to recognize the repetition of these covenants as part of a spiritual practice of joining and engaging in community.  It is in my final semester that I am really exploring and coming to understand what covenant means for and to us each.

    Oxford English dictionary defines covenant as follows,  

    1. an agreement.

    “there was a covenant between them that her name was never to be mentioned”

    • LAW

    a clause in a contract.

    • THEOLOGY

    an agreement which brings about a relationship of commitment between God and his people. The Jewish faith is based on the biblical covenants made with Abraham, Moses, and David.

     

    But the definition provided here  did not inform what I know is at the heart of covenant in UU churches.  Synonyms of “promise”, “pledge”, “vow” included later with this definition expressed the emotional, spiritual component in this kind of agreement.

    From my experience, yes, covenant is an agreement between people, but in their rarest form–with feelings exposed; markers of testament to the purpose and need for such powerful and yet delicate negotiation between human beings.  Covenant is us being authentically human and through agreements upholding expectations and granting grace.  This is a divine human spiritual contract. From this I now  appreciate why covenant remains such an integral piece of this faith, in upholding each of its 7 UU principles.

     

    My hope is that this exploration of covenant has filled you with curiosity and reaffirmed the value of covenant in our shared faith, as it has for me.

    With greatest blessings,

    Vanessa

     

  • This is Your Life

    Welcome to this moment
    Welcome to this now
    Welcome to your only
    In hours, minutes,  seconds
    Welcome to the never to be again,
    As time passes
    By
    This is your now,
    This is your life.

    ***

    Reflection:
    In formation I am learning to be vigilant to what I feel,  think,  and experience in a way I never have before. I regularly take consult in a therapist (something I think everyone should do). In a recent session I confided that I’m done letting fear and what could possibly happen dominate my life  and the associated decision making in the process. If I had let fear take the wheel entirely I would not be in seminary right now; for fear over student loans. This is my one known life. It would be a sin not to live it to the fullest.

  • Widen the Circle

  • Prayer

    Original mixed media collage.

  • A Gift

    Original mixed media collage

  • How Far I’ve Come

    Intern ministry is going well, and I’m relieved by the completion of the winter holiday season of December. I got a real taste of what excitement and stressor this season creates.

    I’m getting a clearer picture of what I want to do with my career after I graduate and later ordained. More details coming upon further fleshing them out.

    I have an appointment to see the MFC in September. I graduate in May. All these real dates of completion in the soon to be future are unbelievable– have I really come that far!?

    I’m so lucky to have the supportive community of 3 congregations both growing and cheering me on. My biggest hurtle left ni believe n is the stack of books left to tackle before seeing the MFC. That’s what summer will be devoted to after graduation and internship completion (which will run into June).

    I am seeing the minister in myself now. How far I’ve come, and how much I’ve grown in ministerial formation!

  • The Stream

    Spirit,
    A stream, a river,  a flowing body,
    That is what you are,
    And we each are droplets,
    In the course,
    Are bubbling,  babbling,  over the path forward,
    No awareness of our destination,
    Or how we’ll make it
    Through,
    But we are here,
    And flowing,
    In and of,
    Made of,
    Because of
    You
    This our path,
    Destination unknown,
    Are safe and secure by unseen borders,
    Flowing,
    Splashing,
    Going,
    Always moving forward,
    On,
    Marked by shifts,
    Waves,  torrents,
    Boulders,  rocks,
    And
    On we flow

  • Plates

    Have you ever tried balancing?
    Balancing on one foot?
    On one foot with eyes closed?
    Putting faith in the process?
    And those around you?
    That as the plates are stacked on the poles you hold
     you will not be knocked over?
    The wind pushed from your lungs?
    The trust in everything diminished?

    You have faith in the gravitational force,
    Of something much bigger
    Than all those present,
    And use your sacred resources
    To strengthen
    Your stance
    Your intuition,
    Your trust,
    First and foremost,
    In yourself,
    For you are
    Held.