Rev. Vanessa Titang

Category: reflection

  • Plates

    Plates

    Have you ever tried balancing?
    Balancing on one foot?
    On one foot with eyes closed?
    Putting faith in the process?
    And those around you?
    That as the plates are stacked on the poles you hold
     you will not be knocked over?
    The wind pushed from your lungs?
    The trust in everything diminished?

    You have faith in the gravitational force,
    Of something much bigger
    Than all those present,
    And use your sacred resources
    To strengthen
    Your stance
    Your intuition,
    Your trust,
    First and foremost,
    In yourself,
    For you are
    Held.

  • 1s and 0s

    1s and 0s

    If I could show you God,
    I’d show you in 1s and 0s,
    I’d evoke the divine
    In binary,
    I’d show you how the great machine,
    That is itself a contradiction,
    Is itself a part of the unknowable,
    Infinite,  infinity that is,
    That realistically should not even be,
    The holy is all that is,
    In,  of and composing existence,
    And you are
    holy,
    Made of,
    and in the everything
    And made even more sacred
    By being the only 1 of you,
    Too made of 1s  and 0s of the divine,
    The holy, holy,
    H01y

  • Coastal Wedding Bliss

    Coastal Wedding Bliss

    I conducted my 1st wedding!

    The wedding was held at the Wilson Museum, Castine, ME, on July 10th, 2021.

    It went wonderfully! The rehearsal was a bit chaotic with the downpour on Friday, July 9th,  but we completed a run-through without sound tech.  Fortunately the wedding planner was there,  and between the two of us we were able to coordinate everyone.


    For the wedding, I arrived 30 minutes early to the ceremony on Saturday,   in regular dress clothes. I spoke with and coordinated with the wedding planner and sound crew. Fortunately the weather was perfect, and only the damp lawn was of any concern (they used sawdust/ wood shavings to soak up the grounds). 


    I robed, and we were lined up by 3:55pm and began proceeding once the “bride” was present a little after 4pm.
    I was confident in my presentation, and honestly not anxious at all! I think I missed a word twice, but effectively reworded so it was not obvious.The audience was receptive to the ceremony,  and some laughs were included. The “groom” teared up (maybe allergies?). There was much “cheering and whooping” at the end. 

    Afterward I spoke with the musicians and complimented them on a beautiful accompaniment. I was approached by a few attendees; and I spoke with the mother of the bride and father of the groom afterward–all had only positive things to say about the ceremony,  and seemed very happy.


    I must say I felt very comfortable and confident in my ministerial role. This has been an affirming event in my formation. 

    In ministry I am sure I am where I was meant to be.

  • My UU Elevator Speech

    My UU Elevator Speech

    I am attending a family gathering.  A memorial/ independence day gathering of my maternal side. Of all the things running through my mind,  one that has  popped up a number of times is how to describe my UU faith and ministry to my largely Lutheran family.

    I need an elevator speech of sorts. I’ve been saying that I’ll get to coming up with one for some time now,  but never get around to doing it.

    I’ve been in the car for hours and hours on the road trip from Maine to Ohio and now to western Pennsylvania. I’m a passenger,  and I see no time but now to do it!

    I think first about all the things that I believe…..

    I believe in a universal, neutral force that one might call God,  or my preferred  “Spirit”.

    I believe in panentheism,  this Spirit is, is in, and is greater than all.

    I believe in God’s love for all.

    I believe in the inherent worth and dignity of all.

    I believe in the interconnection of all things.

    I believe in an interwoven web of life.

    I believe God’s intervening force in our lives,  but not that all is preordained.

    I believe in the continuation of spirit after death,  in a cycle as part of the Divine Spirit.

    I believe…

    I believe a lot things that are a lot to explain.  I believe things that not all Unitarian Universalists believe. But my faith has belief that we can hold these views and seek out truth and meaning.

    I struggle with how to describe this all succinctly.

    Then I saw a description someone else did,  that was a one liner. I can’t even recall what it was, but it made sense. And suddenly I came up with it:

    “I believe in 1 God that connects and fills all, and in which all are saved.”

    From this description, Unitarian and Universalists views are both expressed. Unitarian: all in one God. Universalist: Never mind the name given,  the language or faith praised with,  all for this one whole God.

     

    There is much more that could be expressed about my faith,  and own spirituality. But this short statement captures the crux of the faith.  I can then expand, and talk about the non-creedal nature,  the 7 (8) Principles that help to guide and explain our beliefs.

    I’m sure I will tweak my elevator statement over time and with use.  But for now I’m satisfied with this.  I think being able to come up with such a statement is a Testament to how much I’ve grown in my faith and ministry.

    I also think I’m ready for the family….

     

  • “Who Ministers to the Minister?”

    In the busyness of life in the past few months I have let this blog take a backseat to ministry, and life in general. On May 23rd I led my last service for the 2020-21 academic year, at the
    congregation in Castine. I will return in the fall, to intern at the 3 church collaborative.

    This last service was put together in a mad dash of things happening, and yet I feel it is one of my favorites. It was created for the May theme of “story”. The sermon was entitled “Tell Your Story”, and implored listeners to take an active role in storytelling, for fear the loss of histories over time. I was very satisfied with the service, was complemented and could see the evidence of my growth.

    I am embarking now in taking CPE (clinical Pastoral education) for c the summer. My original program was canceled due to low enrollment, so I’m not doing an online based program that I was fortunate to have one of my fellow seminarians recommend. Alas, I still need to figure out where I’m going to get my pastoral hours. I’m working with the Castine church, but am also looking in to local hospices and nursing homes.

    In regard to Castine, I was recently confronted with a huge moment in the lives of our congregants. One of the young church leaders suddenly took I’ll and was put on life support. Her slow passing is a huge pill to swallow. I was tasked with seeing to the family the evening she took ill, as the minister was out of state. There was little I could do, and due to Covid restrictions I was unable to be the re for them. I cried in the car after I dressed in my clergy attire waiting on what to do. My supervising minister had advised me when we spoke, “steely yourself”. I’m good at shutting off my emotions when confronted by extreme tragedy, but it is still necessary to release. I did that in the car, then did as she had advised.

    I begin CPE class this evening. While I’m not anxious to start another class, I’m in need of processes everything occurring. I’m grateful for the surrounding of my cohort that I have reviewed to help me figure out what my role is and to be held as well.

  • Surfacing

    Surfacing

    I am coming up for air.

    This has been a year unlike I have ever known. With the pandemic, one tumultuous event after another,  and then I’m going to school for ministry.  In truth ministry is where I surface, and gasp– gulping in a deep breath. My figurative lungs expand and I realize I am tired.  I am a mere mortal and it is in these brief moments that I breathe,  that I let my body relax into the protective feeling that is exhaustion. 

    I am by nature an overachiever, but this is no longer a quest for an A+ grade.  I’m coming to terms with that.  This is about being; being a minister and being at my core human. In being a burgeoning minister I am working on cultivating a non-anxious presence. 

    A non-anxious presence–It sounds beautiful,  almost poetic to have such resolve.  But it is not easy. I am trying though.  I must confess I cry (though seldom),  but when alone,  and have the room I have let go. I let the weight sink in,  and release it in liquid form–I cry,  and then I am washed anew.  My spirit is renewed,  and I recall why I am in this position.

    The heady content of my coursework–history of global Christianity,  community organizing, naturism,  and vocational studies is a puzzle scrambling to be pieced together in my mind. These are the tools for building my ministerial knowledge,  but this rough and tumble of life is where I’m building my grit.  Right now is one of my down moments,  but I’m in the process of picking myself up.

    I stand, take a breath,  and look back from whence I came.  I am amazed by the hazardous terrain I have already passed. This is passing through to become.

  • A Chill

    A Chill

    I am beginning a book group tomorrow at the church I am serving as an intern; Via zoom of course. I have never led a book group before, nor been a part of a book group. I am not quite sure what is expected of the group leader.
    The book we are reading is Wintering, by Katherine May. It is about difficult life experiences and going through this time of winter. Jessica, the person I am leading the group with, and I felt it was ideal considering what we are all going through with the pandemic. We are at the vaccination stage (for some), but we’re all still holed in, isolating, waiting for the all clear. It is a mass time of wintering. And we have been doing this for about a year now. What can I say to lead a group, at this time that has not been said before?

    And then the collision happened. Today. My partner was in an automobile accident on the way to work. A severe accident. I am now sitting with a cup of coffee at Eastern Maine Medical Center waiting for the completion of his surgery.
    This is our winter. We have been going through it for some time. Through sudden death, cancer, surgery, and now trauma. And I realize something about what I’ve been doing wrong in my ministry—despite ministry, life still happens, to me. I am not immune from the vertigo of life. I’m in it, like everyone else. So while I can offer prophetic reflections as I go, I ought not expect to deflect difficulty.
    Perhaps I am understanding the point of the Wintering book better now– embrace the winter, live through the winter, wear your warmest threads, just expect to get quite a chill.