Get it I out, Cry it out, Yell to and at the heavens above (The divine knows exactly why and can assuredly take it). Things are neither right Nor fair, Let the tears wash over you, Inhale, Exhale–In and out, And get up, Rise to the challenge of fighting the good fight another day, And then another, But be sure to cry, Release, Let the tears condition your strengthening heart, Remain open to and receptive of love For this is how and why we do this; Breathe, Rinse and repeat.
On June 30th, 2024, I had the gift of being ordained as a Unitarian Universalist minister by the 3 church collaborative of Maine. Held at the Unitarian Universalist Church of Ellsworth, I was joined by congregants, friends, family, mentors, and colleagues.
The Rev. Ali KC Bell gave the sermon that was moving, powerful, and timely; reminding me of why I started this journey, and what efforts await me next.
I am blessed to have had the gift of this day, with so many hands welcoming me into fellowship. I am blessed to now be tasked with what comes ahead, serving as Reverend Vanessa Titang.
I have been quiet as yet on the Palestine and Israel conversation being had globally amidst the violence of Hamas attacks and Israel’s response. This is not because I have no thoughts on the matter, but rather because from what I knew, I have not had enough to speak to what is currently happening. I have since done my research. And like so many, I am still lost by the tangle of helplessness my hands make, as I ask, “What can be done?”
I am often frustrated at the prospect of resorting to prayers alone. Alas, that is not all that is being done in prayer – throwing up our hands. No, it is also a means of working through complex realities to discern what these frustrated hands can, in fact, do for the better, and to call on hope.
A Prayer for Peace (10-16-2023)
I pray for peace. I pray for the Palestinians wanting freedom in their homeland, For their safety, I pray for the Israeli people Too wanting safety in the home where they are, I pray for the means of peaceful resolution To complicated matters Only further complicated by more harm done, May the people of this holy place Find mercy and means Of coming together, In resolution For the human right Of peace.
This homily has been one that I have returned to multiple times for different spaces. It is also what I presented as my homily for the Ministerial Fellowship Committee in March 2023.
As the world remains complicated and in many ways a messy place, I believe this message remains relevant.
It is with sweet relief and fulfillment that word has reached me from the Unitarian Universalist Association that I have now achieved Preliminary Fellowship.
In March, I was both content and disappointed in receiving a 2 (passing, but with contingencies) from my Ministerial Fellowship Committee (MFC) interview. Yet, I am appreciative that within me the MFC had seen my growing edges as well as my potential. I am grateful for this additional growth experience. Upon reading pieces on trauma (the book My Grandmother’s Hands, by Resmaa Menakem; and information from the UU Trauma Response Ministry (https://www.uutrm.org/), and taking 2 Renaissance Modules this summer (UU Theology and Teacher Development) my contingencies were fulfilled.
In this time, the reprieve from direct ministerial practice and/or seminary study allowed me time and space for discernment of what ministry I am called to, and essentially, in answering “What comes next?” In these last months away from ministry (in an area unfortunately geographically isolated from UU settings) I have missed the community that UU faith creates. I am eager to dive back into this hard, beautiful, meaningful work of ministry. As such, at this time, with the wonderful news of entering Preliminary Fellowship, I am looking into contract ministry, with the intent to return to New England.
Alas, through all of this, I am deeply appreciative of all who have supported and helped grow me to this point. Your love and wisdom are felt and recognized. In gratitude, I pray:
May you, too, be held in gentle, wise hands that love, grow, and nurture you. May you too be continuously loved Into being. Amen.
Dearest one, Welcome to an in-between; Do not fear, It in itself is not a terrible place, It is but a liminal moment You find yourself in now, Breathe, This is but another moment, In a string of moments, In a space, perhaps more obvious By rite or occasion, That makes this moment obvious; You may quake in the face of uncertainty, Of “what comes next?”, Or “what does one do next?” Again, breathe, This is but a moment After you have come through so many, And this too shall pass, This is all part of your individual journey, At this stage, Perhaps you are more aware, awake, woke; Be present, Here and now, One moment, One step, One breath at a time, Birth your new being through This liminal moment; In this present, May you find assurance, Stability, And be steadfast in your confidence In Spirit of life and love that too Shines forth light, To illuminate even Your darkest spaces With starlight.
Much has come to pass since I have updated on my ministerial journey here– I realize now I never updated on the decision of the MFC after my meeting! So I was “continued in candidacy”, with some contingencies to complete. Upon completion I can be granted preliminary fellowship. Some ministers I know who previously saw the MFC tell me the MFC used to call this “passing with contingencies”. So I passed. But, it was hard to feel that way after the decision was made. It was definitely a mix of emotions and hence probably why I never got around to posting here.
Since then I have completed a number of my contingencies, with 2 remaining (UUA Renaissance Modules). I will take the modules this summer. Of the contingencies I completed I was asked to view the UU Trauma Response Ministry website, educate myself more on “Safe Congregations”, and to read My Grandmother’s Hands, by Resmaa Menakem. My Grandmother’s Hands was a challenge, but a necessary one. I had already had a copy of the book, but never got around to reading it until now. I HIGHLY recommend it, but also to be sure to have a support system in the process; it brings up a lot of difficult topics that can further be difficult based on your own personal story.
After doing these things, and having time to process I am appreciative of the pause and discernment time the MFC enabled me, with their decision. I don’t think I could have written this well to inform immediately after their decision. Some things take time, and I have a habit of “taking the long way around.”
*A poem/reflection written in prayer on the challenge someone I know currently faces battling cancer.
There is nothing fair About any of this, Of children That of which we are Left to fend for themselves, There is nothing fair about there being An unknown That is always shrouded in mystery; Without answers I can try to comfort you And try I will, I ask that you only take from it what you need, Here is what I believe: There is nothing “fair” About the suffering you endure And it is not an act of spite, By the Divine; The Divine —A spirit so grand and yet still seeing your lifetime in its uniqueness For the first time; Spirit, an entity timeless And endless Thus, always in flux; Knows even metamorphoses involve mutation, At levels, we can not perceive; The cosmos are so great and complex, and yet their workings are also part of and shaped by the microscopic; Spirit may stir the workings, Yet pain is but A byproduct, unintended, This we may never rightly understand; Breathe, dear one, It is not fair, Nor is it your fault, In this moment, I can do nothing to absolve your hurting, But I can be present With you, for you, Holding you in this temporal comfort of embrace, I can also say nothing, For words are meaningless, Being explained to one in a crucible; As much as I can I hold your pain In my heart In exchange with my love, Love that is also an unending Blessed gift of the Divine, always, And for all;
This evening I will interview before the UUA Ministerial Fellowship Committee. I have been preparing for this moment since the day I decided to apply to seminary. A successful interview would put me into preliminary fellowship in ministry.
I am not anxious, as I thought I would be. Nerves are there, but I think this is what healthy confidence feels like, or just the realization of being READY.
Rev. Vanessa Titang 